A Letter from Home
by lucy-erin
Summary: Julian is sick and Logan doesn't know how he feels. There's only one way he knows how to fix this.


It had been five years since Logan had last seen Julian. In the midst of them both living their lives, they just drifted apart. It happened between friends, especially ones that weren't particularly close, but Logan still regretted it at times. He often wished that he had kept in contact better, maybe called him or emailed him. Something was better than nothing, but that's exactly what Logan had given; nothing. It took him years to realize just why he regretted this so much and he was still a little shocked with himself. Amidst the angst of Blaine and Kurt in high school, he had let Julian pass him in a blur. He didn't know much, and he never pretended to, but he could see a missed opportunity when it went by. Regardless of what Julian felt or how Julian saw him, he let the moment pass and didn't even consider it. This was something Logan regretted greatly.

That's why, when he checked the mail on this particular Saturday morning, he was surprised to see a plain envelope, with him name and address on the front and Julian's name in the corner. There was no return address. It bothered him and he was terribly uncertain if he should read it. He had put Julian behind him in all ways possible. He had a life now, however unsatisfactory it may be to him, and he didn't need an old, unrealistic crush coming back into the picture.

Sitting at his coffee table, he held the envelope in his hand and pondered what to do. It was thin, probably only one sheet of paper, which was also worrisome. What could Logan possibly need to write him for? What was so important, or unimportant, that he couldn't merely call Logan? It wasn't like he was hard to reach. All of the Dalton boys kept in contact, regardless of past rivalries.

With a frustrated sigh, he finally turned the letter over and ripped it open. He was right; one sheet of paper, only half full of writing. He studied the neat calligraphy his name was written it, remembering that Julian had always written like this. It was wavy, almost like Julian had been shaking ever so slightly, but it was nearly perfect. Scanning through the letter, he felt tears brim in his eyes as he read;

_Logan,_

_There are things we never talked about and things I would rather avoid talking about. There are so many things you don't know about me and I'm positive there are things I've never known about you. I'm sure this letter is confusing to you but I hope by the end you can at least understand why I was the way I was in school..._

Logan stood up briskly, the letter still clutched in his hand. He was scared, and he was confused. He certainly hadn't been expecting this, but that didn't make it any less painful to read. Julian had always seemed strong, unbreakable. This Julian, the one in this letter, was broken. He was sick, in a literal and metaphorical sense, and Logan wanted nothing more than to go to him.

_I'm sorry you can't come see me, because I would like to see you. I want you to remember who I was, not who I am now. I've changed, Logan. I've changed a lot and it's not all for the better. Please, understand that I need to remain the person I was in high school in your memories. _

He paced the kitchen of his apartment, reading the same few sentences over and over again.

_I was in love with you. I wanted you to know that now, when I was still here to tell you. I'm not going to have the chance much longer, and I wanted you to hear in from me in some form, rather than washed up version from our old classmates. They only think they know, but they can never comprehend. You were my reason for coming back to Dalton, but you were also my reason for leaving. I love you, Logan Wright, and I'll love you until I take my last breath._

The letter shook in Logan's hands as he absorbed this. Julian had loved him. _Julian had loved him_.

His house phone rang, making him jump ever so slightly. He let it go, not able to coherently talk to anyone at that moment. He had so much to consider and people to contact, because he knew one thing for sure; he had to see Julian. He wasn't sure how long he had; Julian was very evasive about how much time he had left. He hadn't even mentioned what he was sick with, Logan now noticed.

"Logan, if you're there, answer the phone."

Logan was shocked to hear Derek's voice on his answering machine. He froze, not answering. There was a heavy sigh, which tipped Logan off that whatever Derek was about to say, it wasn't going to be good.

"Julian passed away this morning." Derek said, his voice heavy with regret and sadness. Derek had been close to all of the Stuart boys, so he was probably taking this harder than anyone else. "I hate to leave this on your voicemail, but I doubt you'll call me back any other way." he added. There was a brief hesitation and then a click, signaling that Derek was no longer on the other line.

A heaviness settled in Logan's chest, making him slump into one of the seats at his kitchen table. For the first time in a long time, he wished he could be angry like he used to. He wanted to be mad and he wanted to hurt something, because it would have been infinitely better than whatever it was he was feeling now.


End file.
